Prom Night on the River of Death by Jason Rizos

Author:Jason Rizos [Rizos, Jason]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2017-07-02T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 11 – The Giving Machine & Brekie

The Giving Machine talks when it senses someone near. The mechanical puppet head that sits atop the obelisk has the plump face of a Gregorian monk with a halo above it. Its eyes click open, its eyebrows pop up and down and it continues speaking.

“Welcome, Penitent!” The pre-recorded message sounds tinny and distant over the weatherproof speakers built into its base. The monk’s jaw moves up and down like a ventriloquist dummy’s. “So too is the Rite of Contrition. If you have worked with a licensed Sanctified Piety Management Minister, please enter their Sales ID number on the keypad before proceeding with your donation. For a complete list of sins or directory of ministers, press the HELP key.”

“I am trying to tell you, Leigh—”

“Well, well!” The Friar appears from out of nowhere, eager to get paid, “I guess then it is our separate ways in which we part for the evening, ya? Best to wrap up here?” Friar rubs his hands together as he approaches the obelisk. He punches a four digit sales code into the Giving Machine. I’m about to object, considering how late it is and all we’d been through, but then I recognize the digits as those assigned to me on my last day of training, when I got my Preacher Certification. So Friar is giving me the rip? How altruistic. And now Angus has caught up as well. He stares bemusedly at the Giving Machine.

“Do you have anything to say?” Friar asks me.

I look at Leigh. Do I have anything to say?

“Go on,” she says. “You’re one of them now. So tell Angus how you’ll forgive all his sins and make him right with the Lord.” She folds her arms.

I shake my head and try to cut loose the mess of feelings mustered up by Leigh and focus on getting rid of the Friar once and for all. According to the plan, starting tomorrow I’m no longer a master of Angus’s trade. My license as a preacher puts me on the other side, as an Arbiter of Contrition. This entitles me to earn a commission on every donation to the church, and with that comes the implied trade of absolution for cash. Ain’t no better racket in all of human history than that. ‘Cept maybe sinning itself.

I only now realize that as a Preacher I won’t be required to put anything into the Giving Machine in order to achieve salvation. When I signed up last week, I had failed to figure in all the tithing I’ll now be exempt from as an employee of Sanctified Piety Management. No tithing, plus tax exemption? No wonder Leopold threw in the towel. I can tell, just like others of his generation, that Angus doesn’t visit the Giving Machine. Ever. Tough row to hoe, apostate. Probably not even confirmed with the faith. I mean, why not? Why not hedge your bets? I’ll do the kid a favor, get him in good with the Lord.

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